(Despite being part 2, I’m beginning this post with the same introduction as ‘oral sex part 1′)
Oral sex. Much mythologised, joked about and often poorly represented, oral sex can be a very tender sexual act that both partners get a lot out of. Now first things first, never ever feel pressured into performing oral sex. Sex is a privilege not a right, and if you ever feel you are being forced into any sexual act then explain to your partner why you do not wish to engage in whatever sexual activity they are pressuring you to do and if necessary get out of the situation, the room, the relationship.
Performing oral sex can be a nerve-wracking experience, you are ‘performing’ oral on your partner and stage fright is a common and quite reasonable reaction. However, if you approach giving and receiving oral with an open mind, a willingness to communicate and a sense of fun you will have nothing to worry about.
Giving oral sex to men
First of all, let’s dispell a myth (see what I did there?) giving oral sex to men does not involve gagging, facials, being hit about the face with the penis, or, most importantly, entitlement. Men are no more entitled to blow jobs than women are to cunnilingus, and as I’ve said above sex is a privilege not a right and nobody should force you to do anything you do not wish to do. The penis is not something to be feared, disgusted by or dismissed. It is a reactive, sensual sexual organ just like the vagina. That said, if facials or being hit about the face with the penis is something you enjoy as a giver, then go ahead.
Some men are circumcised (more common in the US than the UK) and some are not. Here’s a link to a diagram of each so you can see the difference between a circumcised penis (without a foreskin) and uncircumcised (with foreskin still intact.) Just like vaginas, penises come in all shapes and sizes and different men will enjoy different oral sex techniques. And just as I urged the women in this post to get to know their vagina, the men reading this should get to know their penis. Now it’s quite likely that the men reading this will have masturbated for years and will be very familiar with their penis. However, really exploring your penis, scrotum, perinuem and anus can help you learn things about your body that perhaps you didn’t know, and can combat any shame that you may have towards your body or masturbation and sex. The penis is a beautiful, reactive sexual organ that responds to eroticism, attention and affection. It can give life and pleasure and is a sensitive wonderful body part. Men, be proud of your penises. Givers of oral sex to men, love your lover’s penis.
By the way, a word on the swallow/spit issue. Just as women receiving oral sex should taste their vaginas and get to know their body, if you are really keen on the idea of ejaculating in your partner’s mouth, taste yourself first. If you’re willing to eat pussy and they’re willing to suck cock, both of you should taste yourselves to understand your partner’s experiences and expand your self awareness. If you’re really disgusted by this idea, maybe you should think about that next time you consider ejaculating in your partner’s mouth. And of course, forcing ejaculation onto your partner, whether on their body or in their mouth, is not acceptable.
So, just as we did with the vagina, let’s get comfortable first before we embark. Laying down is the most common position, but it can get tiring with the angle of your jaw compared to the penis, as can standing. Having him sit or lay down on the bed or a chair with you kneeling in front on a cushion can be comfortable too. Experiment a little until you are both comfortable and relaxed.
Now just as the vagina flushes with blood, blossoms open and becomes wetter the more attention it gets, the penis grows from soft, flaccid and sleepy to hard, erect and awake due to psychological or physical stimulation, or both (‘morning wood’ erections notwithstanding). Begin gently stroking and massaging the pubic area – from his thighs, hips and pelvic bone to the shaft and (gently) his balls and perineum, and (if he isn’t already completely erect) watch his penis engorge with blood. If he’s uncut (uncircumcised) you may see that as he becomes erect the glans of the penis (the ‘head’ of the penis) pokes out a little from behind his foreskin – be careful touching the glans especially on uncut men as it is very sensitive.
So now it’s erect, what do you do? Well try taking long licks up the shaft of the penis while gently fondling his balls. Lick in circles around the frenulum (the ridge at the base of the glans/head of the penis where it joins the shaft) with the foreskin still covering the head, and take the top few inches of his penis into mouth and gently suck. Other than that it’s up to you to explore him and watch his reactions to guide you. You might like to try:
- Masturbating him with one hand as you suck up and down on the head of his penis, timing it so that as your hand comes up your mouth comes down
- Gently pulling his foreskin back (using a little lube might help here) and licking his glans like an ice cream, using the top and underside of your tongue
- Flicking your tongue around his frenulum as you play with his balls
- Massaging his perineum as you take long, slow sucks of as much of him is comfortable
Watch his reactions, keep your pace steady and bring him to climax. Or, bring him to a peak again and again slowing down just before he comes, for a really big climax. It may be your partner cannot climax from oral sex, which is fine and quite common. You might wish to jump on board and finish him off that way, or finish him off manually (with your hands alone), or indeed use oral sex as foreplay before you both get down to it.
All men will like different styles of oral sex, but that’s just some ideas for you to try out. There’s some more ideas here at Babeland and at Smut and Steff’s 2-parter here.
Some men will enjoy anal play as part of oral sex. The male g-spot is most easily accessed via anal play (try inserting a well-lubed – condom covered if you wish – finger to massage and press the front or top anal wall as you give oral) although it can be massaged through the perineum. You could also try rimming (licking around the anus and perineum) or using a (lubed) butt plug. Make sure you are safe when exploring the anus. Dental dams (available from LoveHoney in the UK and Tulip in the US) can be used to cover the anus to prevent infection, and for partners that have not yet had an STI check always perform oral sex with a condom. Lube is always necessary for anal play. I use a vegan, all natural lube called Sliquid from LoveHoney and those of you in the US can get vegan friendly lube from the Sensual Vegan. You can get lube that is thicker and longer lasting for anal penetration and play, and if you’re not in the market for vegan lube then you have a mighty wide range of flavoured, tingling, cooling anal lube to choose from. If you ever use condoms always always always use condom-safe lube. Vaseline breaks down the material of the condom and makes them ineffective.
Anal vibrators, massagers, anal beads and many other toys can also be used during oral. I’ll be dealing with them in a ‘toys’ post.
I’m pretty much done with the givers, here’s some info for the men receiving oral sex.
You may not have received oral before, you may have recieved it and not liked it, or you may be bananas about blowjobs. Either way, respect the fact that your partner may be nervous, or not very good. As with all sex open, tactful communication is very important. If you’ve never recieved before, or never liked it, give it a few tries before you decide whether it’s for you. Try and imagine what you might like being done to you and let your partner know. Explain that you’re nervous but that you might like them to try XYZ. Don’t be ashamed of your penis, masturbation or sex. If you’re worried about your smell or taste have a shower first, making sure to wash behind your foreskin if you are uncut. Eating a low-meat high fruit and vegetable diet sweetens the taste of your semen, so you might want to consider eating healthier. As I mentioned earlier in the post, taste yourself. Get to know your penis and see it for the beautful, expressive, sensual sexual organ that it is.
During the act, relax. If your partner is bringing you to a peak and you want them to keep going, say so. If something feels uncomfortable, let them know that what they’re doing isn’t too comfy and could they try something else. If you don’t orgasm, don’t worry. Talk about what’s happening during and after and use positive language to communciate what you like and what you don’t. For instance instead of saying “don’t do that it’s horrible” or “this isn’t working” say “why don’t you try this” and react enthusiastically to what you enjoy. Giving oral sex can be quite a learning curve for your partner so help them learn, be positive and have fun.
Part of this site’s purpose is to act as a safe, open environment for discussion about sex. Please use the comment facility to ask any questions you may have, and to add your tips to each post. For instance if you have a particular sex technique that you enjoy, please share it as a comment on a relevant post.
Thanks 
